Getting Noticed

utomatic doors don’t open for me.

Seriously. I’m always pushing these things open. Or shoving the sliding ones aside like I’m breaking in to a derelict spaceship. Maybe it’s the way I move. Something about my gait. The optic-sensor-absorbing quality of clothes? Maybe it’s my years of stealth training– Whatever it is, if you’re an automatic door, I am incredibly difficult for you to detect.

A friend of my wife like creature is updating her resumé. I didn’t know that people still had resumés. It’s not something I’ve encountered much in the film industry. Though I have encountered it. Which is hilarious for a screenwriter– It’s usually just a list of titles you’ve written that haven’t gone anywhere. But I digress.

Wife’s buddy is updating her resumé. These days this also means updating your profile on any number of career websites such as LinkedIn. So Wife’s friend has been bouncing her profile off Wife for her opinion. Wife’s been bouncing it off me for mine.

Now, Wife’s friend is a writer. That puts a certain amount of pressure on your autobiographical profile. Or should. Because not only do you have to impress with your work history but it has to be really, really well written. First impressions times two.

And you can’t really go third person on it can you? Because then you’re just farming the job out to another (presumably better) writer. That or you’re writing about yourself in the third person. And that’s not only kind of pitiful* but it still doesn’t negate the impression that you’re too lazy to write it yourself.

*Been there. Done it. No judgements.

This subject always reminds me of a bit of early internet lore. A viral email that went around years ago. It was reported to be a college admission essay that got the author into NYU. Though that rumor was not entirely accurate, the piece known as 3A Essay, apparently did win Hugh Gallagher a highschool writing contest and was included in his college application. And he did eventually attend NYU. Whatever the details, it’s no doubt helped the author with his career. Written as a short autobiography it begins I am a dynamic figure (read it here).

My point being, if you’re a writer and you want to get noticed, there’s one very important and fairly obvious way to do that. And it’s not by listing accomplishments or previous work experience. No one knows the exact details of Hugh Gallagher’s biography. And no one cares. Because his talent is undeniable.

So that’s what I told Wife. And what she told her friend. Her friend decided however she’d rather play it safe. List a bunch of her very valuable and unique skills like her attention to detail and how she’s very hard worker who loves a challenge. Memorable stuff.

If I were looking to hire a writer, I’d personally be looking for a more dynamic figure.

Because it’s a tough industry. Doors don’t just open for you automatically. At least they don’t for me…

Seriously, I can just stand there waving my arms and I get nothing. I have to draft in behind people. I don’t get it. Am I really that two dimensional? Maybe I need more iron in my diet. I hope I’m not a ghost. Maybe I need more sun. Looser fitting clothes? Would stomping help? What about a big hat?



Filed under Misadventures

2 responses to “Getting Noticed

  1. Ghosts don’t use table salt.

    That’s just a rumor I heard once. But it really sounds true.

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