hen your body faces extreme fatigue or duress you can experience tunnel vision. It’s exactly what it sounds like. Yet still rather surprising to experience. Well, surprising for me. Having never been inebriated myself, abnormal physiological occurrences are something of a novel phenomenon for me.
Anyway, when you experience actual tunnel vision it’s sort of like a cheesy video editing filter. There’s a clear spot directly before you and everything else is smeared into dark, blurry obscurity. Like everything is at the end of a long tunnel.
For weeks I’ve been–
You’re still thinking about the “never been inebriated myself” thing aren’t you? It’s okay. It’s fair. Some find it strange. Especially given the writer thing. It’s not a political, religious or medical thing. It’s just never come up. I don’t drink alcohol and thus I’ve never been drunk.
So, for weeks I’ve been dealing with the mental equivalent of tunnel vision. I can only see one thing before me. And it’s taking forever to get there.
I have a literary manager. He’s also going to be a producer on my first (mini major) motion picture. So while our option agreement is in negotiation, he’s stepped aside so as not to create a conflict of interest.
Meanwhile things on the option negotiation front have gone oddly quiet. Whereas I thought we’d reached an agreement, there’s been no word for my lawyer for some time.
Here’s where the fatigue and duress come in. I’m a rookie in the US motion picture industry. Less than a rookie, a complete newb. But I’m used to working hard to get noticed. So what’s fatiguing me isn’t vying for attention is holding myself back from vying for attention. It’s staying patient. Not pestering anyone. It’s exhausting. And the duress just stems from there.
Months ago Manager first called me, interested in my script. We began talking about what this would mean. Several phone calls. Within those first couple weeks I got another call, from a second production company interested in optioning the script. That day I had a meeting scheduled with Manager. His assistant emailed me to postpone. I replied saying that I’d just gotten a second offer.
I swear before you, I clicked send and no more than ten seconds later the phone rang.
Now that was a response.
I haven’t heart from that same manager in two months. Again, option negotiation, see above, there’s a reason for it, but none the less… It’s left me in this tunnel. Incommunicado. Unable to pursue anything. Waiting.
A light at the end of my tunnel vision. I heard from Lawyer. We finally heard back from the Producers. Everything is squared away, just paperwork now. The actual option agreement should be on the way anytime now!
Heard from Manager right after that. We’ve scheduled a call with the optioning Producers.
Finally. Finally movement toward the next steps. Toward wherever this will all take me.
Much like actual tunnel vision, there’s nothing you can do in some situations but wait it out. You just have to try to stay on your feet. Focus your breathing. Regain your composure. Hang in there.
Easier said than done.
I just hope that once I emerge I’m on a locomotive and not pumping a handcar.