Tag Archives: hurry up wait

Less Important Things To Worry About

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y wife is an extrovert. That means she best sorts out thoughts by vocalizing them. I like this about her because I like her and I like listening to her talk. These days however Wife’s mainly been chatting about the mundane day to day problems of her friends so occasionally I allow myself to slip off into my own concerns. (As an introvert, I can do this without moving my lips.)

Here’s where I’m at: Little while back I accepted the offer from Producers seeking to option my script. That is to say, I gave my lawyer the nod to accept their offer. Since then I’ve just been waiting.

It’s been a couple weeks.

Of waiting.

Now, I’m nothing if not patient. You have to be to write. To query. To churn away at this for years with no guarantee of any results. So I don’t mind waiting.

Except… This is kind of a big deal. And if I just accepted their offer, then where are they? Shouldn’t everything be wrapped up now? Shouldn’t we all be celebrating? Shouldn’t we be getting to work? How does this normally go? I have no idea. When should I expect to hear from them? Where’s Manager when you need him?

Etc.

I wouldn’t call it worrying. Worrying denotes some form of panic. And I’m not panicked. But when you have nothing else to do but wait… The mind wanders.

It’s an opportunity to imagine scenarios. Dark scenarios. Frustrating scenarios. Catastrophic scenarios– The hub of which is often the nagging notion that perhaps… They’ve changed their minds.

And it’s not that I couldn’t bounce back from that. Not that I couldn’t walk away from it entirely. It’s that: What a ridiculous waste of time this has all been if that’s the case.

Friends ask me how things are coming. Naturally I made the mistake of telling a few friends and family about the potential option agreement. So now there are expectations.

How’re things coming with all that?

Nothing yet… Heh… Oy.

For the most part I just wrestle with the wait on my own. Keep it inside. Feel sorry for myself that I’ve come all this way and now I’ve got to stand here and wait forever.

Tired and fatigued from wondering what-if all day I tuned back into Wife’s chatter. About the mundane day to day of her friends. She’s got a friend with a minor infection. Been hearing about this for the past couple days. Seems however that despite the antibiotics used to treat said infection, her friend isn’t getting any better. In fact, I hear now that I’m listening, her friend’s getting pretty concerned. See there’s cancer in her family. And she’s even had some scares herself in the past. Now she’s waiting on test results.

Waiting.

That sobered me up. Have the Producers chosen to back out of the option agreement? Probably not. Probably just busy. But whatever the reason and however long it takes, I can be sure of one thing: When I do hear back from them, it absolutely and positively won’t be to tell me that I may or not have cancer.

So I should just chill out. Be happy I’m as lucky as I am to have this kind of stuff to worry about.

And listen to my wife more.

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Hurry Up And Wait

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hen you say it all at once, it sounds great. First we get the script optioned. Then come rewrites. Finding a director. Getting it out to the cast wish list. Once things pick up speed, a trip to Los Angeles. Three or four meetings a day for a week. Have to make sure we have other projects ready to go. To pitch. Widen my profile. Meet the town, etc.

Sounds like a lot.

After years of trying, never knowing if it’s even gonna get somewhere, it sounds like the start of a whirlwind.

So far though… Not so much. Not even a little gusty over here.

Being an independent (creator, producer, freelancer, whatever) my whole life has always meant setting my own pace. And I like a constant pace. I like to be busy. Very busy. I don’t vacation. When you love what you do, you don’t need to get away from it. You don’t even need the rest; that’s what sleep is for.

Hurry up and wait. You hear this expression a lot in the entertainment industry. And I’ve always handled the wait portion by doing other things. Usually shaking every tree that I could to bring a project to fruition. And if it doesn’t come to be then I’d move on.

Right now, though, my best bet at success requires me to wait. There’s only so much you can prepare on your own before you need action from others. And action from others seems to be the crux of the business side of show business.

So I’m adjusting to this new pace.

It’s not great.

Idle hands are the blog’s play thing…

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No Further Behind

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rust. It’s no big deal without stakes.

I trusted my manager enough to turn down an option on my screenplay. To turn down meetings with top agencies. Things I would would never have dreamed of passing on even six months ago. But I trusted in his plan. I still do.

Which is uncharacteristic of me. I don’t normally trust anybody. I visually scan people for hidden weapons in convenience stores. I’m a skeptic. Not a gambler. I take the bird in the hand every time. So why is it– How is it I’m not agonizing every night over whether I made the right decision to go along with this guy’s plan? To the sacrifice of the offers of my dreams.

I think it’s because I really have given up. I don’t care like I once did. I really have lost hope.

These all sound like really, really bad things– Even writing them now, I’m second guessing how this will be perceived. But they’re kind of not.

At the top of this year I resolved to give up the dream. At least as far as making it a full time pursuit. I’ll always write, I suspect, but doing it day in day out, scraping by on freelance gigs here and there– It was enough. It was time to shift gears. Leave the writing to the nights and weekends. Focus on a new career.

I had given up. Made my peace with it.

It’s the only reason I can come up with for why I trust Manager. Because there are no stakes anymore. If he fails to deliver. If he drops off the face. If we can’t manage to raise the 20 million and I never see my script realized… I’ll be no further behind than I am right now.

It would be disappointing. I’m not gonna pretend it wouldn’t be disappointing– But I’ve been down these roads before. I’ve heard the promises. Spend the money; made the acceptance speeches  in my head. And now – finally – I’ve given all that up too.

It’s odd how good it feels. I’ll record that here, right now. Because the next time I hit a creative rut or the phone stops ringing on the freelance jobs I’ll probably be writhing in self pity– So I’ll say it right here. Now. It feels good to be at peace. To trust.

As it stands, we’re in a waiting period at the moment. Waiting on money. That’s all anybody waits on. Next week has turned into next month a couple times already. That used to be cause for insomnia. Now it’s if it happens it happens. A phone call here and there while bringing in the harvest. Chopping wood. Writing. On nights and weekends.

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